Dressing Patchouli
by Yuuki F
Summary: Patchouli and Sakuya talk about introversion. One shot.


Sakuya had brought the daily cup of tea to the library, and began unloading the tea tray for Koakuma and Patchouli.

She gave a knowing glance to Koakuma, and after receiving an affirming nod, she addressed Patchouli, "Why don't you dress up Lady Patchouli?"

Patchouli scoffed, "Me? I may act naive, but I'm centuries old."

She waved a hand and looked away, "I'm just some ugly old hag."

Both Koakuma and Sakuya nearly replied in unison, "Noooo."

Sakuya walked behind Patchouli and put her hands on her shoulders supportively, "I think you forget that you're youkai."

Koakuma replied soothingly, "You're very pretty, Patchouli."

Patchouli replied wryly, skipping the conversational step where she would acknowledge that they were trying to cheer her up, "I'm not going to get out of this without you two playing dress-up with me, aren't I?"

Koakuma grinned maniacally as Sakuya nodded solemnly in affirmation, and both replied in unison, "Nope."

Sakuya looked at Koakuma for logistics, "She's a little shorter than both of us, so where do you think-?"

Patchouli interrupted, "Oh, alright, if you're going to do this..."

She got up and start motioning towards her room across from Koakuma's.

Koakuma, "Do you have many dresses?"

Patchouli shot Koakuma a glance, "I wasn't born wearing pajamas."

They entered Patchouli's room, and walked passed the smaller dresser and boudoir towards the clothes closet.

Sakuya replied, "So, m'lady has _two_ pairs of pajamas?"

She shot Sakuya a glance as Koakuma giggled.

She opened her closet. It was a surprisingly large walk-in closet, but it was...very dusty. Upon inspection of the clothing, it became apparent why. Looking through Patchouli's closet was like looking through time. It felt more like a museum than a closet for clothes.

"This...these are Roman sandals."

"Ah. The Byzantine empire lasted quite a long time, you know?"

"Oh! You have one of those Victorian butt-amplifiers!"

"...please don't call them that, Koakuma."

Sakuya pointed towards something in the back, "What...is that?"

"Ah. It's a dress of a small culture in an isolated part of Armenia...well, the name would do you no good. They no longer exist and they were wiped out nearly a century ago now."

Patchouli again found a chair in her room to sit down in. Meanwhile, the two paused as they looked through the dresses, some of them far too old to risk touching. Lest they should crumble suddenly.

Sakuya finally broke the silence.

"Just...where all have you been?"

"Well, the vast majority was in Eastern Europe. Pretty stereotypical for vampires. But, you know, there was a time before Remilia and myself knew each other."

"Would there be any human records during that time?"

Patchouli narrowed her glance, "Ha. Ha. Ha. You're certainly up for sarcastic replies today, aren't you?"

Koakuma and Sakuya rummaged through her closet some more. Yes there was a large selection, but there were two issues. The first, and much more kosher, polite, and politically correct issue was that these dresses were simply too _old_. They deserved to be hung on a museum, not on a person. The second was that...well, to put it bluntly, they were horribly out of fashion, they were ugly, and they were ratty. However, to Patchouli's credit, they _did_ at least fit her age (they wouldn't dare say that aloud, though). After a while, it became more and more apparent to Sakuya that she wasn't rummaging out of curiosity or honest commitment, but because she was buying time to try to put this in a tactful way to Patchouli.

Finally, she found a way.

"You have no kimonos?"

Patchouli shook her head, "No, I'm afraid I don't."

Sakuya narrowed her eyes, "Gensokyo is technically part of Japan, you're aware?"

"We live in a western style mansion Sakuya, it would hardly befit us."

Koakuma caught on to what Sakuya was doing and tried to help, she said to Patchouli, smiling, "This is _dress up_, Patchouli."

Patchouli sighed, skipping a few conversational steps again, "You're trying to tell me my wardrobe is outdated."

They both nodded.

"You want to go _shopping_."

Koakuma was nodding vigorously.

"I have no way out of this, don't I?"

They both nodded. This time, Koakuma and Sakuya hooked an arm of Patchouli's.

Sakuya craned her head around Patchouli to Koakuma as they struggled nonchalantly to get Patchouli out the door of her library, "Didn't you want to bring Lady Remilia along too?"

Patchouli gave a shocked expression to Sakuya and screamed internally, "NO. NO NO NO NO NO!"

Koakuma smiled at Patchouli's torment, "Yes."

She paused and smiled larger, knowing that she was going to get payback for this, "Of course."

Patchouli's mind began racing, _I can manipulate multiple youkai tribes into a peace settlement, but I can't figure out how to get out of a game of dress up?!_

Unfortunately for Patchouli, Remilia happened to be right outside the door to the library, "Oh? Shall we go now?"

Patchouli's body at once resigned to her fate, as Koakuma happily replied, "Yup!"

Patchouli skipped the conversational steps of her trying to bargain her way out of this, "All three of you planned this from the start."

All three sighed exasperatingly in unison, now that their plan had come this far, "Yes."

Koakuma sighed, "When you mentioned your own closet, we were actually afraid it might ruin the whole plan."

Sakuya noted, "It actually took us a month."

Koakuma added, "It took us a while to notice how you subtly manipulate people's schedules."

Remilia added, "There _might_ have been some fate stream manipulation as well."

Patchouli noted internally, _Well, at least I know my skills having been fading that fas-_

Patchouli glanced up in shock as she interrupted her internal monologue, "Remi! You can't manipulate the fate stream for something so trivial as a girls night out! Don't you remember any of the other times you used it frivolously?!"

She coughed at her outburst, this was already too much for one day.

Remilia sighed, "Yeah yeah, I know, I got a little too involved in it, I guess."

Sakuya decided to make an admission for the sake of her master's pride, "There might have also been time stream manipulation."

Patchouli looked at Sakuya, "You manipulated space, time, and reality itself to try to get me outside?"

Koakuma also made an admission, "Also, the new shipment _did_ arrive, and I may have just neglected to tell you..."

Patchouli immediately forgot about possible grave consequences to the space-time-reality continuum and gave Koakuma a look of horror.

Then, on a dime, all three immediately smiled, "Well, what's done is done!"

And they began carting Patchouli forcibly out.

Patchouli let herself be carried as she thought to herself, _I still have quite a few backups that I could utilize to get out of these. Seven plans, each with very high probability to refold reality in my favor and let myse-_

Another thought interrupted her chain of thought that involved risking the gambit of existence in this universe for the mere possibility of being able to remain in the library further as she glanced at her merry interlocutors, _Perhaps...perhaps this is best. I should keep those backups as they are. After all, if these simpletons are willing to go so far as to manipulate reality itself, I'm not quite sure if its worth me causing them to cause destruction of the fold of reality itself._

She glanced to their gleaming faces, _I have the existence of the universe in my hands simply because these fools want to play dress up with me._

For a few brief moments, Patchouli balanced the pros and cons of letting the universe continue to exist. Insanity and genius tend to be companions.

Patchouli sighed, acquiescing. She could think of worse fates. And in the end it was better to save her aces than play them out of something so silly. Also, Patchouli thought to herself, _I guess I should do things like this for Remi every once in a while..._

But she still couldn't afford to let them know that.

"I hate you. I hate you all."

They made their way to the stables as Koakuma and Sakuya readied the stagecoach while both Remilia and Patchouli boarded. Patchouli in particular bearing a particular look of foreboding as she sat on the sofa inside the stagecoach.

Then her mind stopped for a moment.

"Remi?"

Remilia looked over with a surprised face as she was settling down herself.

"I thought you were taking me to the stagecoach."

Remilia chuckled, "Oh, but Patchouli, this _is_ the stagecoach."

She looked around. It was a room. She knew the one Remilia used on business was big, but she didn't know it was _this_ big. Also, she didn't quite remember it looking like this...

Patchouli paused, remembering the accounts.

_Ah, that's right, this must be the second one._

Patchouli shook her head. It felt like a frivolous waste of money.

Patchouli stopped mid thought, _FEELS like a frivolous waste of money?! It IS a frivolous waste of money!_

"Wouldn't it have been better to have used the regular stagecoach?"

"Oh, but the servants typically use that one for errands."

Patchouli groaned internally.

Remilia replied nonchalantly, "Besides, we have it so we might as well use it."

Patchouli internally screamed, _No! That's not right at all! The depreciation that occurs with each time of use or better yet just sell-!_

She shook her head and gave up. In the end, she always gave Remilia what she wanted. Even if it did make her inner accountancy scream bloody murder.

_She's probably going to take me to some really ritzy clothing store. Some place run by an ego-fueled two-bit fashion diva._

She didn't even want to think of the price tags with such a place. Custom tailoring is one thing. Custom tailoring from an expert in the field was quite another. She recalled the last time she had a dress fitted was in Greece. Ironically, almost immediately after she had organized a large shipment of alum from Turkey, she ended up buying a few ducats of it right back to fit Remilia's little order.

However, noting upon her destination, she also noticed that the stagecoach wasn't moving. In fact, the trio of Remilia, Sakuya, and Koakuma were still flitting about.

Patchouli asked, "Is something the matter?"

Remilia turned around, "Well, it seems like it will be a long trip, so I'm wondering whether we should bring along the quartet or not..."

Patchouli wanted to scream.

_At this rate it will take just as much time __**preparing**__ to get there as getting there!_ Patchouli thought, _Wait...since when did we have a quartet?!_

She shook her head, she simply couldn't handle _this_ much extravagant waste.

"I'm going," she got up to leave the stagecoach.

At once, Remilia began pushing her back down, "Oh no no no, you aren't getting away that easily."

A vein pulsed in Patchouli's head, "I know that. I mean that I'll go to the town, and I'll meet you there."

Koakuma retorted, "But by foot it's going to be-"

Patchouli screamed, waving her arms, "Everyone here can fly!"

No reaction. The other three were frozen in place.

So, Patchouli repeated herself, dropping her arms and adopted a deadpan delivery, "We can all fly."

_Which begs the question of why we keep __**two**__ stagecoaches, but one thing at a time...one thing at a time._

They all paused. It took a while for them to realize that they didn't really have any need to be ostentatious.

Koakuma mouthed, "Oh, yeah."

Patchouli left the stagecoach and walked out to the garden before lifting herself up.

"So...which way was town again?"

Sakuya unfurled an umbrella for Remilia, ignoring the fact that Patchouli did not know where the nearest town even was, "Follow the road going south."

"Right."

And, within a few moments the flour floated freely into the air and began flying to the south.

Koakuma asked, "Is this your first time going to the human village, Patchouli?"

Remilia interjected, "No, we've been there before, Koakuma."

Patchouli nodded, "Mostly legal affairs, but yes."

Koakuma replied, "So, did you not like it?"

Patchouli wobbled her head in thought for a bit before replying, "Indifferent, I guess."

Remilia explained, "Patchy just doesn't really get the same enjoyment over travel and terrestrial tourism as most of us do."

Patchouli nodded, "Yeah, something like that. Just different tastes."

Sakuya focused her gaze on Patchouli, "But...to such an extreme?"

"I wouldn't call it 'extreme'."

"When was the last time you left for the village?"

"A few years ago...?"

Sakuya gave an exasperated look, before Remilia came to her defense, "That's just Patchy's difference. If there's no real need to, then I don't see what the harm is."

Sakuya asked, "But, don't you get restless? Don't you just want to see new things and people every once in a while? Isn't it bad in the long run if you stay in a little bubble like that?"

Patchouli gave a surprised gaze to Sakuya, "I wouldn't expect you to be moralizing to the company of vampires, but if you must know...no, I don't think it's bad. I don't think of extroversion as a moral category or virtue. I think of it as a trait. It's a character trait which has its own distinct advantages and disadvantages like any other. You may be right, that at certain times it does me more harm than good. I mean, alright, if that's the way it will be. But, it's simply who I am and I have managed to adapt a lifestyle around it. I guess you could remonstrate me on the basis of whether it's healthy or not; however, I disagree with the ability you would have in remonstrating me over whether it will make me happier or not, or the philosophical leeway one has in discussing its ethical or moral aptitude. I understand that maybe others around me don't like it, because it doesn't interact with their social natures. But all that does is cause an irrefutable discussion of onus. Since I think that whether the onus lays on the introvert to be a socialite or whether the onus lays on the extrovert to remove themselves from the anti-socialite...they are two sides of the same coin. I guess all I am saying is that it is as much as a trait as my staying with Remilia, and quite frankly, I think that has had more of an impact than my introversion or extroversion does."

Remilia added, "I hope that it has been a positive one."

"My staying with you, or the introversion?"

"Both."

"Well, one of them has certainly been positive."

Koakuma interposed herself between them, "Stop flirting," she pointed to the tailor's, "We're here."

They landed in front of the store.

"Well, Patchouli, do you have anything you want?"

Patchouli rolled her eyes, "I don't know. Get a pair of bluejeans and...a cashmere sweater...or something."

The three stared at her, simultaneously wondering how someone could do fashion so horribly.

Remilia interjected as she turned her back to the group, entering the store, "We'll see if we can get something out of vicuna."

Patchouli wanted to explode, she made a giant "X" sign with her arms to Koakuma and Sakuya, "Don't let her do that, it's your jobs to make sure she doesn't bankrupt us!"

They nodded (ignoring that Patchouli didn't seem to care about the expense of cashmere, but understood vicuna) and escorted her inside.

At once, when they saw the wardrobe inside, both Remilia and Koakuma's eyes glittered. They had connected mentally over that bond that was the game of dress-up. Sakuya, however, seemed a lot more nonchalant about the whole matter.

Patchouli noticed this, and her eyes narrowed. In fact, throughout all of this, it was _Koakuma_ who kept a jovial, delighted tone. Sakuya was much more solemn, like a soldier, or an unwilling participant.

Patchouli glanced over to Sakuya, studying her body language, _Was she asking about my introversion...because she's wondering herself?_

Something about her mannerisms seemed to be off. Her aggressive nature seemed to match more of someone who was psychologically projecting or maybe at the very least lashing out in that way.

As the salesman "worked" with Remilia and Koakuma, Patchouli and Sakuya agreed to wait for what they decided to let her try.

In the meantime, Patchouli decided to pry to see if Sakuya was indeed trying to discover something about herself.

She asked, "Did _you_ want to do this, Sakuya?"

She shrugged, "It was really more of Koakuma and Remilia's idea."

Patchouli opened her mouth, and then closed it again, hesitating on whether to ask outright.

She decided to go for it, "Do you consider yourself an introvert, Sakuya?"

Sakuya grimaced and looked away slightly in shame.

Patchouli folded her lip, _Bingo._

"Well, it's just," she sighed before leaning forward and propping her head on her fist in The Thinker's pose, "I don't know."

Remilia and Koakuma came back with a pile, leaving Sakuya some time to reflect while Patchouli dressed.

She came back to sit down next to Sakuya as the two went off again. Patchouli could see that this was definitely a bonding moment between Remilia and Koakuma.

Once she sat down, Sakuya immediately replied, "I don't _hate_ people."

Patchouli couldn't help but give her an incredulous look, "Of course."

"But, I don't know, sometimes I like solitude."

"Would you say you like it quite often? Aren't you off with Remi quite a bit?"

Sakuya sighed, "I use closed space quite a lot."

Patchouli nodded, knowingly, "Ah, I see, and, do you feel guilty about that?"

Sakuya nodded slowly, "Yeah, actually, I do."

"Well, it's just," Sakuya suddenly straightened up her back, "I think about whenever I've grown as a person, and...it's not while I'm moping about in closed space. It's always some adventure that Remilia brings me on or, I mean-"

Patchouli interjected, "Your memories with others are what pass your rocking chair test, but they aren't what pass that test," and she pointed to Sakuya's heart.

Sakuya looked down at Patchouli's hand before slumping slightly again, "Yeah, I guess, something like that."

"But you," Sakuya turned to face Patchouli, "You've been to so many places in the world, don't you," she clenched her fist as if grasping at the air would provide the words she was searching for, "Do you regret it?"

Patchouli asked, "Regret my times of isolation amongst my travels?"

"Yeah, I guess maybe not 'regret', but more of a feeling of guilt?"

Patchouli crossed her arms, tapping her feet a little bit as in thought, "I think I used to," she nodded, as if she were affirming it herself, "I used to feel guilty. But, I don't know, I couldn't help but..."

She cocked her head as she sighed, "When we'd travel, Remi would be the one to light up. I would," she paused, looking out of the corner of her eye as she thought for a moment, "I guess I felt a sort of sad enviousness."

Sakuya asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well," Patchouli uncrossed her arms, "I'd look at Remi and I'd notice how it seemed from her emotional reaction that she was perceiving so much more of the world than I was, and getting so much more innately than I was, and, I had this realization of," she paused for a moment to collect her thoughts, "This was more of an indication of who I was than who Remi was, and that I wouldn't get the same joy out of things that she would, which," she shrugged, "I guess is kind of a depressing thought, in a way."

Sakuya sighed, "Yeah, I get that."

"You feel jealous?"

"Yes."

Koakuma and Remilia interrupted their dialog, as they had come back with a pile of clothes.

Sakuya took one glance at what they were thinking about, and blurted, "I thought you were going to get a kimono."

Patchouli shot Sakuya a glance of disbelief, before Sakuya realized what she had done. Sakuya palmed her face against her forehead before moving it back, stroking her hair. But, upon noticing each other's malcontent, they realized that, in fact, their conversation was making the time pass quite quickly.

Thus began round two.

Patchouli leaned back in a nearby chair as Remilia and Koakuma went back and bonded some more, commenting to Sakuya, "If I didn't know better, I'd have thought you did that on purpose to talk to me more."

Sakuya shook her head, "But I didn't because I know where you are at pretty much any time if I did want to talk to you."

Patchouli nodded, "It's alright."

She reminded Sakuya, "You were saying that you felt jealous."

Sakuya shrugged, "It's pretty much like you said, I'm envious that it seems to come so easily to others."

"You know, I've met others who were envious of us."

Sakuya shot her an incredulous look.

Patchouli shrugged, "We have the ability to handle long periods of solitude and examination. If you're not careful, even someone like Remi-or I should say _especially_ someone like Remi-can fall into a drunken depression in a few days otherwise."

She extended a hand in emphasis, "All I'm saying is that the two sides have their trials and tribulations. The ability to focus on one thing leads to the ability to focus on another. It doesn't have to be looked at as a disadvantage, that's all I'm saying."

Patchouli pointed a finger at Sakuya, "But I want to return to something you said earlier. You said you feel like your rocking chair moments were with other people. I have to mention that, I'm different from you even in this regard."

Sakuya nodded her head, she was about to bring up the same thing.

Patchouli explained, "A lot of my rocking chair moments are solitary."

Sakuya sat up straight, "That's...don't you think that that's bad for you?"

Patchouli gave a complacent shrug of the eyebrows and tilted her head slightly, "I'm not telling you a judgment of what one ought to do or what I think I should do, I'm just telling you how I feel."

"Yeah, but, if you worked at it, you could-"

Patchouli narrowed her eyes as he voice flattened, "Change how I feel about it?"

Sakuya shrugged, "Yeah."

"I don't know if that is possible, to be honest, I feel like I just spent a lot of time hating myself whenever I tried that."

Patchouli could see this quickly turning into a sermonizing occasion the moment Sakuya would inevitably ask her what she tried doing, so she changed the focus, "A rocking chair moment is not _necessarily_ something you did that you find virtuous, it's just something that you can't forget having enjoyed."

"That," Sakuya crossed her arms, "I don't agree with how you're defining that."

Patchouli sighed, she didn't want the conversation to take this turn, but she wanted to make her point perfectly clear. She edged her chair other to Sakuya.

"Listen, Sakuya, I am a youkai, right?"

Sakuya looked at Patchouli, "...yes?"

As she leaned in, her posture pushed her chest out as she curled her chin up, "And you are a human, right?"

Sakuya nodded, but Patchouli continued, lightly grasping Sakuya's chin, and she continued to talk as if her voice were rasping into a snake, "It's in my nature, to desire you as something much more than a mere maid. The lust for human blood extends beyond that of mere vampires."

She paused, slowly lowering her gaze and she let her finger drift away from Sakuya's chin as it slowly recoiled back into her fist. Then-as if someone had snapped their fingers-she returned back to her seat, "But I don't act on them."

She shrugged, "Am I a bad person for the bad feelings I sometimes harbor? Or should I be judged for acting or not acting upon them?"

She sighed, "Likewise, I didn't like coming along with you all here. I mean no offense by that, I want to be honest with you about that, but my having these feelings doesn't mean that I can't act against them."

The two sat in a contemplative silence for a while. They were both somewhat surprised they had not even gotten to the stage where Patchouli would be trying out clothes yet.

Seeing as how they had devolved into a rather informal setting, Sakuya blurted out, "Oh my god, choose a dress already."

Patchouli blasted out in laughter with that comment.

~One moment, girls are fitting...~

Satisfied with their purchase-well, Koakuma and Remilia were, the four left from the building, rising in to the air as Sakuya and Koakuma carried a load of bags. Both Sakuya and Patchouli drifted towards the back, talking to each other still.

She look straight at Patchouli, "I mean, don't you feel the same way? A day like today, didn't it make you happy?"

"The problem with arguments like that, and the problem with arguments of 'You won't know if you don't try it,' is the problem of the seen and the unseen. Making an argument on the unseen is not a proof, but merely switches the onus, and leaves the same underlying confusion."

"You're not answering the question."

"If you had given me the foresight of the experiences of today...I would have preferred to stay at the mansion," Patchouli waved her hand apologetically, "I don't mean that condescendingly, or to say that I hate your company, but merely to relate my preference."

Sakuya tilted her head, "Right, you've made that argument before."

"Well, did you, Sakuya?"

"I mean, our conversation was nice."

Patchouli nodded, but tilted her head, "Well, yeah..."

Sakuya picked up on her body language, "That wasn't the question you were going after?"

Patchouli tilted her head back to the other direction, "Yeah..."

She tried again, "If it was a typical night out with Remilia. With her usual partying self, do you think you would like those sort of affairs?"

Sakuya looked off into the distance, gathering her thoughts before replying as if her answer surprised her, "No."

And for the remainder of the flight, having made a fitting conclusion, the two stayed in silence.


End file.
